After a very ugly day at work, I walked to the Catrain station and took a cab to the Argus. Once I ordered my first drink, my mood improved. By the time my third or fourth whiskey arrived, I expected to be positively bursting with glee.

That didn’t happen. After a few sips (or gulps, if you want to get technical about it) of my Jameson’s, the bartender grinned at me and shoved a postcard under my nose. It read:

THE ALCATRAZ CONVERSION PROJECT
Vote YES on Proposition C, February 5, 2008
By Converting Alcatraz Island, a place of pain and suffering, into a “Jewel Of Light”,
We will activate powerful forces for cooperation, reconciliation, and healing…

Majestic in its simplicity, revolutionary as a political metaphor, the Global Peace Center
proclaims a global renaissance! A new epoch! A time of enduring peace for all humanity.

“So what do you think?” she asked.

“Jesus creeping shit.”

I plan on voting in the upcoming election but to be honest, I’ve thought most about choosing the presidential candidate who will do the least damage in the oval office. I hadn’t considered the propositions on the ballot, and certainly didn’t think there would be one calling for my city’s beloved Alcatraz to be transformed into a new-age Epcot. What is the matter with these people?

Historical monuments serve a purpose. They are reminders of the events that got us to where we are today. Some are not very pleasant places, nor should they be. Innocuous attractions like “George Washington Slept Here” or “Bill Clinton Slept with Her” can only teach you so much. America has its grim recesses and to truly appreciate one of them, you sometimes need to be in its physical presence.

“These referendums piss me off,” said a woman at the bar I showed the postcard to. “All some millionaire has to do is pay enough people to put their names on a peitition and he buys a spot on the ballot.”

So that’s it. Some crystal-frotting parvenu wants to bulldoze Alcatraz so he can stare out the window of Marina condo without the island’s decaying old buildings offending his sensibilities.

“Screw the bastards,” I said.

“We need to get rid of initiatives entirely,” she said.

“That’s easy for me,” I said. “I have no initiative. Just ask my employers.”