Week before last, I accomplished something of sorts. I had a bartender cut me off for being too drunk.

I can’t remember this ever occurring before. It could have happened plenty of times post-blackout, except that I seldom experience those. Memories of the night before may be a little hazy when I wake up, but as the day wears on, they coalesce into embarrassing crystal clarity.

The night in question was no exception. After a stressful but productive day at work, I needed a drink. In fact, I needed several. I wanted to drink myself into that elusive alcoholic paradise where my banter is witty while at the same time, hot babes lust after my tortured poet’s soul.

Nice work if you can get it.

As you can imagine, the evening did not quite turn out that way. It started out swimmingly. Good friends, good conversation, all was right in the world. The problem was that I’m a whiskey drinker, which means there is an extra level of intoxication waiting in the wings. I’m a seasoned veteran and should have been mindful of this, but that night I was in no mood to be mindful of anything.

By 11 pm, I was a stumbling, leering wreck. Taking a seat and holding onto the bar to maintain balance, I attempted to order another drink. The bartender, quite rightly, said I had enough. No matter, thought I, and cajoled a friend into buying me a another whiskey. After that, I had a few glorious moments of pirouetting about and bumping into people until the bartender came up to me, snatched the drink from my hand, and told me I had to go home.

I had fucked up. Not only that, I fucked up at the Argus, my local and home away from home. I needed time away to atone. Fortunately for me, I have plenty of liquor at home so atonement meant getting ripped to the tits on scotch and treating a BDSM chatroom to the kind of obscenities that even makes those perverts’ skin crawl.

Ten days later, my friend Alex reported back to me that all was forgiven, this time. I have since been back to the Argus and have more or less behaved myself.

Redemption is a wonderful thing. You should try it sometime.