It’s a brand new year. You know this because you woke up caked in vomit and feeling like someone took a power drill to your forehead. No matter, your current mess is the result of your 2007 self. In 2008, it will be different. You are going to quit smoking, lose weight, and when a girl scout comes to your house selling cookies, you will answer the door with pants on. But right now, you could really use a Bloody Mary.

I wish you a world of success in achieving your brand new you. If it doesn’t work out, don’t worry. 2009 is just around the corner.

In the past, my new year’s resolutions have been a reaction to whatever low I sank to on New Year’s Eve. My success rate has been pretty good in the long run. Whether the credit goes to maturity or fatigue, my behavior has gradually improved.

I didn’t do anything reprehensible last night so I can approach my resolutions from a perspective beyond damage control. That still leaves me with plenty of avenues of self improvement. I won’t bore you with the details of all my vices, nor do I plan on abstaining from any of them completely. Let’s just say that a little moderation will save me a whole lot of money, not to mention the wear and tear on my liver.