Betty’s ex-boyfriend Jimmy was killed in a motorcycle accident Saturday shortly after leaving her house. Though they ceased being a couple some time ago, they remained close friends. She was devastated when she heard the news and has been in mourning since then.

Grieving the loss of a loved one is never easy and you take whatever comforts you can to ease the pain along the way. Betty is Jewish so sitting shiva, at least to the extent she can given practical necessities, can help. Faced with this kind of tragedy that is so maddeningly pointless, you can find yourself so sad and confused you’re not sure what to do or even think. I’m glad there is some sort of cultural tradition and ritual that can cut down on the confusion, even if it does nothing to diminish the sadness.

She asked me how I dealt with bereavement. I told her I went out and drank myself stupid. She said that wouldn’t work for her. I can hardly blame her. It never worked for me either.