It’s funny how life falls apart when you only pay attention to matters that are immediately pressing. I get up, shower and go to work. I pay my bills and buy toilet paper before I have to use pages from the phone book. I seldom forget to breathe.

Outside of these essentials, I eschew the trappings of having a real life. Most of my free hours are spent drinking, blogging, or hanging out with perverts in a bondage chatroom.

It’s not a bad existence, all things considered, but the infrastructure has started to crumble. My boots are beginning to fall apart. Most of my clothes look like they’ve been chewed by a dog and my eyeglasses have fallen or been knocked from my face so many times, the frames are now held together with twist ties where the little screws used to be.

What I should do is clean up my act but I’ll settle for a makeover. New shoes, clothes, and glasses will put that much-needed spackle where the plaster has fallen away.

So it looks like I’ll be doing some shopping this weekend. This will be a challenge. I usually pencil in Saturday and Sunday for the level of sloth I can’t get away with during the work week.

I’d like to get this all wrapped up before I go to Hawaii. It’ll be a big vacation, my first in three years, and I’d like to step off the plane looking as stylish as Jack Lord. As a goodwill ambassador from the mainland, I feel that is my duty.