“Oh Lawdy mama those Friday nights
when Suzie wore her dresses tight
and the Crocodile Rocking was out of sight”
— Elton John/Bernie Taupin
In Asylum or Hell, the character Diane Morrisey cites a number of examples of men’s barbaric treatment of women through the ages that justify the atrocities she commits upon her male sex slaves. One of her reasons is because of crocodile rape. That’s right, crocodile rape.
According to her, watching women get violated by croc cock was a form of popular entertainment in ancient Rome. Such a claim is half plausible. The Romans were, by all accounts, a bunch of vicious thugs who bankrolled their empire through plunder and extortion and celebrated their supremacy by staging cruel and depraved spectacles. So yeah, they were fuckers. But crocodile rape? To believe that, I’d need more than the say so of a one-dimensional character in a poorly written novel.
I decided to go to Wikipedia for answers. I’ve heard the allegations that the site is filled with misinformation on a number of topics and I’m OK with that. So is Poison Spur. I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that factual accuracy never gets in the way of a fun read here and encourage others to do the same.
The entry I found was most illuminating. It turns out that the Romans did get their jollies watching forced interspecies copulation, though there was no mention of crocodiles or any other reptile. I did, however, find this cute little tidbit involving some of our closer cousins in the animal kingdom:
Chimpanzees and mandrills, both in fact ferocious and very powerful species of primate: “made drunk by wine and inflamed by the odor of females of their kind, were loosed upon girls whose genitals had been drenched with the urine of female chimps and mandrills.” The victims were often virgins and not infrequently young children. One spectacle is said to have included “a hundred tiny blonde girls being raped simultaneously by a horde of baboons.”
Perhaps I’ve judged the Romans too harshly. I’d watch that in a heartbeat.
Crocodile-human sex was discussed in the section about ancient Egypt but if anything, it sounded like the croc was the victim. So Diane, we’re going have to agree to disagree. Crocodiles may be voracious predators with remorseless tears whose actions have led to countless deaths and a couple of Paul Hogan movies, but they are not, I repeat, not rapists. Case dismissed.